tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23526899259888243452024-03-05T18:44:34.999-06:00Garytude"Happiness is not by chance, but by choice."Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.comBlogger207125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-83295033023193841062010-11-16T15:06:00.001-06:002010-11-16T15:06:44.461-06:00You have no idea.<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/16/1875.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/16/s_1875.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />A friend of mine and I were talking about being sober and clean. I had no idea while I was in the midst of of my addition to see the clarity that I gained being sober and clean. <br /><br />I'm not talking about not putting something in your body for a week or a month. I'm talking about really cleaning your system out and truly gaining a clear head. You really do have to let the fog rise and see with different eyes.<br /><br />It's amazing for me to see how my moods, my judgment, my out look on life has really changed by not being colored by chemicals that don't belong in my system.<br /><br />I hated work so I would wake up first thing in the morning and start smoking weed at 4:30 in the morning. I would then have coffee and a Xanax to prepare to go to the office. Once I was in the office my focus was to get out of there as quick as I could so I could smoke more weed. Because of the uncomfortable dynamics of the office I would pop another Xanax to alleviate the emotional pain that I was feeling. As I look back now I understand how much of the anxiety and pain I was feeling was generated by me. I also can see now that the environment I was in wasn't the healthiest either. I worked in a place that instead of truly dealing with their employees in a respectful professional way they choose to look the other way and ignore as much as possible because they didn't want to deal with the real issues at hand. To this day I hear most of the employees are very unhappy there. But I digress. <br /><br />My life has changed so much for the better once I decided that a sober clean life really is the answer. I also had to acknowledge that there is something out there, bigger than myself. The world doesn't revolve around me. I do have a say in how I am going to live my life. I am no longer just letting life happen , I am participating in the decisions that affect my life. I am able to make good, sound decisions for myself. Yes, I still screw up, but I have learned to not take myself or anything too serious. To me that is the secret to a serene life. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762332%2C-95.364505&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-55176981841195625972010-11-14T15:31:00.001-06:002010-11-14T15:31:02.533-06:00Drink, drugs, no thank you<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/14/2184.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/14/s_2184.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='212' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />It has been an interesting week. It has been a week of looking at my self and others and comparing them to me. I like where I am and I want to stay on the path that I am on.<br /><br />I am grateful to have the experience of seeing messy drunks and loving that I choose not to be that way. Not even one drink. I don't like how I feel during and after the experience. <br /><br />I am grateful that when I run into the same homeless people I see on a daily basis that it reminds me that I was thinking that could be an option for me when I was in the peak of my drug and alcohol usage. I remember thinking all I would have to do was take off, disappear and no one would really care. Life would be that much more easier. It just goes to show how diluted my thinking became. <br /><br />I am grateful when I see friends that use and think it's a normal way of life. It's funny how I could can get caught up into thinking that a little weed here, a few pills here a cocktail here is normal for everyday life. But I have learned it is not. I have come to realize how blurry my thinking was. How I always felt pity for me and I wanted everyone to feel the same for me. I was focused on me in a very wrong way. I wasn't taking care of my responsibilities as a parent. I wasn't taking responsibility in my job. I wasn't being the partner I needed to be. I wasn't focused on a higher power that I believed would work for me. I had expectations but they were for everyone else and how they should care and look at me. It was pour me. I lived for the pity party. <br /><br />But today I have a very different view of me and my life. I try to be of service in someway to others. I do try to lead by example. I try to pick kindness over bitchiness. It doesn't always work, but it is in the forefront of my thinking. I chose to let people in that cut me off in traffic. I choose to help someone when it seems like they need help. I give money to people on the street that seem like they really need it. I am more aware of choosing kindness than I ever have been. And it pays me back in ways I never thought I would feel. It makes me feel good in my heart. <br /><br />There is enough drugs or alcohol that can do that. <br /><br />Have a great week. <br /> <br />Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-56319528815833323432010-11-07T18:10:00.001-06:002010-11-07T18:10:34.169-06:00Today<br /><br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/07/2478.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/11/07/s_2478.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />I am not sure what to write about today, but I do know this. <br /><br />I love my life,<br />I love my family,<br />I love my God,<br />I love how far I have come,<br />I love the surprise of the journey ahead of me.<br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=W%20Dallas%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.757608%2C-95.390554&z=10'>W Dallas St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-40683896596541559352010-10-29T10:15:00.001-05:002010-10-29T10:15:16.836-05:00To write or not to write?<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/29/908.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/29/s_908.jpg' border='0' width='212' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />I have been missing my blogging. I enjoy just writing what is on my mind and putting it out there not caring what kind of response I get. It is the pleasure of expressing myself without expectation. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the comments and knowing that my words help others relate in their own lives. But I like the fact that my verbiage comes from me first to help me and then a domino affect on readers who find they have the same experiences. <br /><br />These last few months have been a big change for me. My job, my home, I stopped going to meetings, family issues have changed. But what I have noticed most is my spirituality has grown exponentially and so has my happiness. I have learned that I am able to handle what is dealt me. That I have no control except for what actions I take. How I deal with something and what emotions I decide to let loose all predict how my day will go. <br /><br />I do know that my spirituality and my sobriety are my main priorities on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis. It I keep those in check the rest of my life stays in check.<br /><br />I still have that feeling that there is something big I am suppose to be doing with my life but I don't quite know what that is, or who knows, maybe I am doing it and don't know it?<br /><br />So I continue on with my life spreading a smile and happiness as often as I can. I try to be aware of what I can do for others when I feel I should take action. I don't always think I need to take action but need to observe and take notice I pay attention to how I react to the moment and I try to start over if I am heading in the wrong direction. I have concluded in my life that I have the power in the day to control it and allow how good a day I will have. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Portland%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.722475%2C-95.388572&z=10'>Portland St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-27186299898701313332010-10-09T20:54:00.001-05:002010-10-09T20:54:50.316-05:00Time goes by<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/09/3073.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/09/s_3073.jpg' border='0' width='205' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />I have to say that I haven't had a lot of down time. I start my mornings at around 5:30 am and I don't get to crawl into bed until midnight. I am not complaining. But it makes time fly so fast. <br /><br />It's hard to believe we are pushing into the middle of October. The year just started the day before yesterday. I hate the thought of the holidays just around the corner. I can't believe that my baby is going to be 10 next month. <br /><br />I digress. Since all the issues with my house it seems like I am going, running, doing every minute of the day. I have so much to take care of it seems that there is no end in sight. Working for my partner has made it that much more difficult to find down time. <br /><br />But I have to say I am fortunate to have such high class problems. I have more than one roof over my head, I have food on my table and I want for nothing. I could use a little more sleep but I have a loving family, my spirituality and my sobriety. <br /><br />I am fortunate to know that I can no longer do drugs and drink. I am lucky to be able to look at my family and know that I will not put them through that again. I do not like who I become. Neither do they. <br /><br />I am so fortunate. <br />Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-21838544892645739832010-10-03T09:48:00.001-05:002010-10-03T09:48:10.037-05:00Settling in<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/03/1150.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/10/03/s_1150.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='212' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />We finally moved into our apartment and what a nice relief that is. Living in a hotel for 6 weeks is nice at first but is a pain in the ass after a while. I missed my kitchen and cooking. Eating out at restaurants gets old real fast. <br /><br />This year has been a major experience in change. Nothing is the same as it was a year ago and that is okay. My job is different, my home is different. The two major things that cause stress on your body have happened to me. This year has been learning to roll with whatever happens. <br /><br />I am glad that I am not drugging and drinking. I can see if I was I would be a mean mess. I have learned that I can't ever go back to that life style again. If I did all my fears and negative qualities would become me. I have learned that being sober and clean for me allows me to realize the untruths I tell myself and stay away from them by acknowledging my negative thinking. <br /><br />I have made a lot of changes in my life. I have changed routines in my life that left me frustrated. I am working on getting fit and finding new outlets. I am at a point where I have given up the thinking I can't and have focused on the I cans. <br /><br />I am grateful for my life and all I experience. <br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=W%20Dallas%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.757691%2C-95.390678&z=10'>W Dallas St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-26931980178755651602010-09-21T10:24:00.001-05:002010-09-21T10:26:08.488-05:00Happy Where I Am<br /><br /><br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/21/1077.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/21/s_1077.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br /><br />Today I can't ask to be more grateful for where I stand today. I have been sober and clean for just over 2 years. I feel in the last few months things have gotten where I understand myself better. I don't take myself too seriously anymore. That was a really big problem for me. Actually it wasn't about taking me seriously, but everything in my life seriously. <br /><br />I think today I realize I have no real control of the things I worry about. I never stopped to recognize that everything, and I mean everything works out in the end. You can't stop it, because everything has an end. <br /><br />So life is crazy and happy. We are moving into an apartment this weekend. We are going to have to gut our house and we are going to have a big lawsuit. I could look at all of this and say, "Where are we going to get the money to pay for another place." "How long could this go on?" "What if we don't win?"<br /><br />But as I have recently learned to do is pretend I am on a roller coaster and throw my hands in the air. You can't jump off and you have to wait for the end.<br /><br />I am thankful for my spirituality that is teaching me to get through life on a day to day basis. If I just take it moment to moment, step by step I know I can handle anything. <br /><br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=MD%20Anderson%20Blvd,Houston,United%20States%4029.715036%2C-95.396029&z=10'>MD Anderson Blvd,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-43428335361521870182010-09-15T15:33:00.001-05:002010-09-15T15:33:55.361-05:00The kindness of others<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/15/1752.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/15/s_1752.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='209' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />As I rounded the corner of the block behind the hotel I am staying in, I saw a sight that gave me goosebumps. A policeman was down at eye level, speaking to, I assume, a homeless man. I was coming up from behind them. But it was so obvious to me that the policeman was being kind to that man. He was trying to help him. All the fellow had was a shirt, shorts and a pair of shoes. He looked lost and child like. He didn't look well and there was an obvious concern by the policeman. Then the policeman got up to go to his car, the man shook his hand I think the policeman was going to call someone and the little guy asked him if he was going to leave him? The policeman said, "no, I will wait until he comes to get you."<br /><br />It just made me feel good to see kindness on the street first thing in the morning. It made me think that I needed to put myself out there more for others.<br /><br />I am grateful to carry this positive feeling through my day and to realize I have nothing to complain about. <br /><br />Do you ever witness positive actions by others that affect you and make your day? <br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762084%2C-95.364622&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-81273050264710152052010-09-08T13:45:00.001-05:002010-09-08T13:45:20.150-05:00Perks to my job<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/08/1744.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/08/s_1744.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='203' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />On a day to day basis I never really know where my job will take me or what I will be doing. <br /><br />Today I was fortunate enough to have to go to Galveston to file a foreclosure notice and post it. Take advantage of the moment I say. <br /><br />Since the hurricane Hermine was in the gulf I wanted to check out the waves in Galveston. The breeze is beautiful and the salt air feels good on my sinuses. <br /><br />I am thankful to be alive on this beautiful day. I am grateful I am clean and sober and my life is great even with all the crazy mold issues with my house. <br /><br />Let me know what you're grateful for?<br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Seawall%20Blvd,Galveston,United%20States%4029.279896%2C-94.803987&z=10'>Seawall Blvd,Galveston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-41096766145212127272010-09-04T07:36:00.001-05:002010-09-04T07:36:38.129-05:00A relaxing weekend<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/04/556.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/04/s_556.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend to do get a few things done. I am hoping to clean my sailboat which deserves a cleaning from top to bottom. It's located 60 miles away and it has been ignored for a year. We are expecting a slight cool front that should allow for us to wash away the dirt and not sweat to death while we are doing it.<br /><br />With fall around the corner It will make for good sailing weather. My son is at a good age to start learning. I haven't sailed in so long I am going to have to get my sea legs back.<br /><br />Typically when we sail I play the part of Gilligan and my partner is Skipper. The only difference is when we go out for a three hour tour, we come back. (I have also been known to play Maryanne, Ginger, the Professor and both of the Howells!). <br /><br />We sail on Lake Conroe which is a small lake in Montgomery, Texas. We have been enjoying Conroe since 1989. The lake was created in 1973. It reminds us of a lot of little lakes in central New York. <br /><br />I am grateful to be at the start of my Labor Day weekend and I wish for everyone to have a safe holiday weekend.<br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=McKinney%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.758723%2C-95.368118&z=10'>McKinney St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-24182585074966197962010-09-02T10:46:00.001-05:002010-09-02T10:46:15.387-05:00Grateful<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/02/1035.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/09/02/s_1035.jpg' border='0' width='213' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />All I can say is "I'm Grateful". I am grateful for what I have and the experiences I will have today. I am thankful for my health and sobriety. I am thankful for my family and friends and their health and well being as well. <br /><br />I have been so busy from the moment I get up until I get in bed at 11 at night. I am in constant pain, but I am glad to be alive and grateful that it is bearable. <br /><br />Today I will smile at my day and look for the gifts I receive and fortunate to be able to acknowledge them. My attitude is what colors my day. <br /><br />It's a beautiful day. <br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762084%2C-95.364610&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-63043041004466852932010-08-31T09:56:00.001-05:002010-08-31T09:56:01.766-05:00Insurance Limbo<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/31/791.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/31/s_791.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='250' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Here I am moving into the third week of being displaced from my home. Talk about having to let go and let things happen. If this isn't an exercise in having absolutely no control and having to learn to be patient and let things work out on their own, I don't know what is. <br /><br />I am at the mercy of an in insurance adjuster. Nothing is moving forward. We had air conditioning installed in our house in April and it created so much humidity in the ventilation system that I had to remove gallons of water out of the ceiling in the down stairs part of my house. Mold is growing out of many of the vents and in closets and build-in dressers. Yet they want to check to see if there is a plumbing leak. We have ask for documentation on our policy and we are still waiting for it. Why this cat and mouse game. I know it's about money, but as far as my partner the lawyer can see, we have peril that is covered! <br /><br />Gratefully, they are still paying for our meals and hotel. I am not a patient person. I want to jump through the phone and cause bodily harm to anyone in my path. I have a difficult time with people not seeing the obvious. But I am seeing there is a reason to be calm and patient. <br /><br />I am grateful that I have learned to pause and to take a breath. I am grateful that I have a family that has been there to help us out during this stressful time. It's true, you do see who is there for you in times of need. I appreciate their connection in my life. <br /><br />So onward with my (our) adventure because I am glad that I don't need to drink or drug over it. I am glad to see how much I have changed and what I can handle. It's all about my attitude and how I want to approach it. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762116%2C-95.364635&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-8444768583938763042010-08-29T09:01:00.001-05:002010-08-29T09:01:42.100-05:00Picking up change<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/29/710.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/29/s_710.jpg' border='0' width='209' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />A few weeks ago a friend and I were walking to our parking garage and she found a penny on the ground and picked it up. I was surprised she picked it up because I do the same thing. Then the conversation started about finding change and how much she finds every year. I nearly dropped my change when she told me she finds anywhere from $15.00 to $30.00 bucks a year. That's not including the bills she finds. I think she has found something like a $150.00 bucks this year. She and her husband have an annual competition to see who finds the most. <br /><br />That got me thinking that I should keep track of my changed as well. So far since a few weeks ago I am up 5 cents. (By the way cents are so unimportant the iPad doesn't even have the symbol to use it. )<br /><br />This weekend I have found 3 pennies and my son found one. I now walk looking down and ignoring all pedestrians, street lights and cars crossing my path, the hunt is on.<br /><br />I was told by the experts in coin recycling that parking garages are an excellent place to retrieve lost economy. When I have the time after a Friday/Saturday night I am going to park at the top of my parking garage and work my way down just for the fun of it. I look at it as I will be working my lower portion of my body as well as funding my son's college fund. (He's 9 and wants to go to Rice University). <br /><br />There are people out there who do not believe it's worth picking up a penny. All I can say is you go ahead and leave it, I'll pick it up. My OCD is kicking into over drive and I am obsessed with the ground and what I can find on it. <br /><br /><br /><br /> <br />Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-4000972660909975182010-08-27T15:11:00.001-05:002010-08-27T15:11:58.114-05:00I love my dogs<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/27/1712.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/27/s_1712.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='252' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />I have to say my dogs and taking them for a walk is a source of good medicine for me. After an hour and fifteen minute walk to the dog park at Discovery Green I am so much more relaxed. <br /><br />We are working through a stressful situation with our house that seems like we are stuck in limbo at the moment. We are at the very beginning stages trying to be patient and let the insurance company go through their process. It wouldn't be so be bad if we knew where we stood as far as coverage and what losses will be covered. <br /><br />I love that when I get overwhelmed that those cute little dogs are able to take a lot of the weight away. It's really great to be able to share a walk with them, release some of their pent up energy from being locked in a stinky house all day. We are good for each other. <br /><br />I don't have a real point to my blog except I am grateful to have my dogs in my life. They came together by luck, but I have never seen such love between two very different breeds. It's a lot of fun to watch the puppy Maggie (3 months old) growing up with Karl the dachshund (4yrs). I think she thinks he's her mother. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762116%2C-95.364635&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-51007066815874423002010-08-26T16:33:00.001-05:002010-08-26T16:33:19.335-05:00Good hard laughs<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/26/1638.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/26/s_1638.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='162' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />There is nothing like having a good hard belly laugh to start your day. It can keep you centered and happy all day. <br /><br />My son and I started a tradition of watching YouTube videos first thing in the morning as he is waking up. We started watching them on my iPod Touch but have since moved to the iPad. (by the way two of my most loved pieces of technology!). <br /><br />Being that my son is 9 (almost 10) we did a search in YouTube on farts. We happened on Graham Norton's "funniest fart scene ever" only to fine tears rolling down our faces first thing in the morning. What a great way to start the day with your kid! I am so fortunate that I can still relate to being 9 and to have a kid that has the same sense of humor that I have. We love to find things that make us laugh as hard as we can. <br /><br />I am so grateful to have this wonderful being in my life. From the day he was born I felt like I have known him my whole entire life. I look forward to many more years of uncontrollable laughter the two (and three) of us will have together. <br /><br />I hope you get your belly laugh today and every day. <br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762421%2C-95.364400&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-36366092784026953822010-08-25T16:47:00.001-05:002010-08-25T16:47:42.087-05:00Self Doubt<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/25/1767.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/25/s_1767.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='180' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />I find it truly amazing how much I doubt my ability to do anything. I don't know if it's fear or that little voice that was instilled a long time ago? <br /><br />Everything I have done today I fine myself thinking I can't do what ever task is at hand only to find I CAN do it with ease. <br /><br />I think I haven't been making the effort lately that I have in the past to ignore those ridiculous loops of negativity. <br /><br />If I don't pay attention to my thoughts I easily can get lost in ridicule, self doubt and self hating faster than you can flick a switch. I Can get wrapped up so deeply in my negativity, that I forget all the great and wonderful gifts of life that I posses that I live out my day as a failure. I know I am more than I believe. I like who I am and I want to to be just as kind to me as I try to be to others. <br /><br />So hear I am today to publicly say that I know I am good at a lot of things and I will once again start to make a better effort to ignore that evil, negative voice that has no business trying to run my life. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762116%2C-95.364635&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-61185585545663823002010-08-24T10:29:00.001-05:002010-08-24T10:29:08.541-05:00Time To Move On<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/24/1049.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/24/s_1049.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='209' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />When is it okay to look the other way from people you know? This is an individual that I just don't have common ground with anymore. We were close many years ago, but it has been a long, long time. Their unhealthy life style also plays a big factor in it as well. I have blatantly chosen to end the quasi friendship if you want to call it that. <br /><br />Doing this has a double edged sword to it. On one hand I feel bad, only because I really don't want anything to do with them. I am trying to be as kind and respectful by not throwing any judgment or my junk onto them. My issues are none of their business as well as their way of living and being is none of mine. The flip side is not having to hear the drama and drawn out conversations that only make me wish I could have ended the conversation 30 minutes sooner.<br /><br />I am a true believer that people flow in and out of my live for experiences I need to have. Here are the questions I ask myself. When I end the relationship does that mean I have experienced what I need? Is there more to follow? Is it not over till it's over or do I have control over that?<br /><br />I realize in the big picture I do not have control of anything. But I do believe I can have a say in my experiences. I can't tell you how many times I have had control of things that did make my life better. It was the actions, thoughts and ideas I started that made the change. It moved me out of a bad place and into a better one. I don't believe my life has any pre-defined path I follow. Every step sets a new experience. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Louisiana%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.762116%2C-95.364635&z=10'>Louisiana St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-47087282066865805732010-08-23T07:03:00.001-05:002010-08-23T07:03:17.157-05:00An Enlightening Walk in the Dark<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/23/447.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/23/s_447.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Isn't odd how shedding a little light on something makes all the difference in the world? I find it amazing when I walk the dogs in the morning and it's still dark outside how creepy and scary the people seem on the corner of Dallas and Main. Yet as I walk by I hear a pleasant voice wish me good morning. The dark can make anything seem unsafe and unfriendly. I realize you have to be safe and be on guard, this is a city with all walks of life. But it's the realization of how much of that fear is generated by me. During the day I can walk by that same corner in the bright sunlight and I don't have half the thoughts about my safety as I do when the sun is set. <br /><br />As I walk in the dark I am so aware of the tricks I play on myself. My awareness of how much my mind plays games on me is heighten and I can see how I can hold myself back. It makes me realize that as I go about my day I am not fortunate enough to have something as simple as the darkness to make me notice I am generating the fears I have throughout the day. I am not keenly aware that the negative fearful thoughts I am having are self induced. As I walk through my day my sense of self heightened awareness seems to decrease and I am not as sensitive as to what I can do to myself. <br /><br />Today I will continue through my day grateful as I can be. I will be more cognizant of what I can do for myself in a positive way and aware of how destructive crippling thoughts can be if I don't pay attention to what I tell myself. <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Fannin%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.753524%2C-95.365749&z=10'>Fannin St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-12221511538487870592010-08-22T07:52:00.000-05:002010-08-22T08:22:33.442-05:00Routines, chicken bones and gratefulness<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/22/662.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/22/s_662.jpg' border='0' width='186' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />I'm trying to get into a routine living away from my home. Being the control freak that I am I have to have constant order or I get nuttier than I am. I am the type of person who has to do the same thing every day, eat the same things habitually for months at a time. Can you say OCD!? I haven't found the exact routine I am looking for but sanity is slowly breaking through. <br /><br />I am learning how difficult it is to have dogs living in a downtown urban area. I never realized how little green space there is for a dog to drop a duce and pee. I have to walk at least 4 block in any direction to find a place for the dogs to feel comfortable letting go. The great thing is I end up at Discovery Green (http://www.discoverygreen.com/), there is a dog park and lots of open space. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable rain that is not always fun to be out in, let alone trying to force a couple of K9's to do what normally comes naturally.<br /><br />A major hazard of living downtown with two dogs that I never expected was chicken bones. I mean not one or two, but hundreds! They are scattered on the side walks like rice after a wedding. There is nothing like walking your dogs in a half sleep stupor to suddenly have to wrestle them on the sidewalk to pull a chicken bone from their mouths. Nothing could make me puke faster than a wet bone from a dogs mouth that was in someone else's mouth! I shudder just thinking about it. <br /><br />So on this Sunday morning I am grateful for all I have. I know I am taken care of, food in my belly and a place to sleep. I thank God that I have another day to walk on the planet and to enjoy my partner, son, and dogs and everyone else who crosses my path today. <br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=McKinney%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.758641%2C-95.368098&z=10'>McKinney St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-37477832189865861902010-08-21T08:09:00.001-05:002010-08-21T08:09:38.668-05:00Happy 2 Years to Me!<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/21/615.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/08/21/s_615.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='234' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Well here I am sitting in Starbucks at 7:30 am in the morning and my life is so different than it was two years ago. I have never been happier. I love where I have ended up and I am grateful everyday. I was not grateful on a daily basis back then, but I have learned that is the first thing I need to be to set my day on the right path. <br /><br />To give you a little insight where I am right now my life is in total upheaval and I am thankful and smile, even laugh at it through the day. I ended up having health issues that I will need to deal with for the rest of my life. Nothing serious, but enough to be a nuisance. We have been moved out of our house and can't move back from what it looks like for 3 or 4 months because of super high humidity and mold. It is a little unsettling when things get out of control. <br /><br />However, the three of us and the two new dogs are letting go and let who ever has my our backs have complete control. It's fun to see on a daily basis what is going to happen next.<br /><br />My house and the condition it is in has been an issue withe me and I have been wanting to take care of it. It appears something didn't think I was moving fast enough. And decided to take it over. All I can say my prayers have been answered. <br /><br />I am hoping that I will be back into blogging again. I have been looking at things in my life and I have been making changes. I will continue to blog about my sobriety but also about how I am learning to make changes in my life and the experiences I have. I am realizing that I am the force that keeps stopping me. I am learning that when things don't workout for me that what I was expecting wasn't really what was suppose to happen because it wasn't really what I wanted. There is no definition in my life. My energy directs my path. I think in the long run I do know what I want, it's a matter of do I want to admit it to myself or not. <br /><br />I have missed blogging and my blogging friends. I look forward to trying to get my blog groove back. <br /><br />Have a great day, I know I will. <br /><br /> <br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Lamar%20St,Houston,United%20States%4029.757858%2C-95.368375&z=10'>Lamar St,Houston,United States</a></p>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-34048014109417221722010-07-14T06:36:00.001-05:002010-07-14T06:36:54.915-05:00July 14, 2010<a href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8w8KAWovd-FZhC5FdNgGPotOSXg2umIm7u4bWktLAcWLvmjkVpMAJxsowua4vcoAaXduxoxRWnY92jwYDIg2YS-g7vU4J9R4RYzHxTBUIYKN7uO_1-gRpZHr9y9m-qQr3WxmgjOpbrDmH/'><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8w8KAWovd-FZhC5FdNgGPotOSXg2umIm7u4bWktLAcWLvmjkVpMAJxsowua4vcoAaXduxoxRWnY92jwYDIg2YS-g7vU4J9R4RYzHxTBUIYKN7uO_1-gRpZHr9y9m-qQr3WxmgjOpbrDmH/s400/2010-07-14%2006.30.47.jpg' /></a><p>Today I am Greatful for:<br/><br/>Karl and Maggie. Ina will be missed but she made way for two rescuses that were in need of a loving home. I am Grateful I am able to provide for them and to feel the love in our house that flows through my family.</p><div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.3</div>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-29263638765980917342010-07-11T08:20:00.005-05:002010-07-11T08:36:00.689-05:00July 11, 2010<div>Today I am Grateful for:</div><br /><div></div><div>Knowing we are all the same. I know this and sometimes I forget to practice it. I do pretty good most of the time. I do pretty good about seeing people with less than me and realizing they have the same kind of soul on the inside as I do. I have a more difficult time with people that have more than they should. The ones that feel they can't socialize with just anyone and have to feel they run in a different class. This is a hard nut for me to swallow. I find myself more <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">prejudice</span> towards them if they give off the sense of being entitled. I am Grateful that today I will look to everyone, no matter what they think their status is life and try not to judge them and know that we are all the same.</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 258px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492638162849077202" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX0YzDCBNU2OTwaL8mr8MODCuYP-YF9Jtxbp8gMrMwJk1FgYUccVUmJvvAb_DYheapm4ZkiZv2lGa2l3RmySp3UbXVVIDpGOjs2A9q6R7GmrJ0gU7eMckuffjKbTAXGxwXdvKa4dzSi7lx/s320/sa+church.jpg" /></div>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-67723783514064512982010-07-08T07:16:00.003-05:002010-07-08T07:25:17.800-05:00July 8, 2010<div>Today I am Grateful for:</div><div></div><br /><div>Where I am Today. Everyday I look at myself and I just can't believe I am where I am today. I am so Grateful that I stop everyday and I have Gratitude in my day for what I have, what I can be, and what I can do for others. I have learned to take life as it's pitched to me. </div><div></div><br /><div>One of the biggest things I have learned being sober and clean is that I still have an emotional life. But I don't stay in those moments very long. Some of those emotions I need to experience. Some of them I have to stop and think, do I really need to go there with what I am feeling and I let it go. I also take the time to think about how I am going to handle things. I never did that in the past.</div><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491508544040372546" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqT23QWlMiUek9EEjprg-pep8kV4KFW1VLmTgR1DZ-alQMs2sL4rOiMSRqdkuLsaOKO5wZLfoIShzl69UySeX_ZpYVmLEecfB978pJxbDrNIX6zKrGdk6Y9dq7TPFR4ArCufrCSI64iCd0/s320/san+antonio+walk.jpg" /><br /><br /><div></div>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-21336461344047223682010-07-06T06:53:00.003-05:002010-07-06T06:58:14.685-05:00July 6, 2010<div>Today I am Grateful for:</div><br /><div></div><div>A New Day. It's so great to realize that life goes on and the only choice you have is to move forward no matter what your situation is. In the past I would have stayed in my misery. Today I know better. Like a good solider, I march foward.<br /></div><div></div><br /><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490760436665476194" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkZSie9nAM8z3jYQdEw0vNiyqGDcH8mlzX2vSmBtQs2uZ7YF4GVxaOG2X41gNzYshnS2j22eAjFc0KLAKqFeM3bkaQAqWTdNNuZDticUHLej1do2mZRdjUtMJJ2G3EvUxG64Rm6C_6TXrH/s320/fountain+of+san+antonio.jpg" /></div>Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2352689925988824345.post-21475012059126971712010-07-04T18:02:00.002-05:002010-07-04T18:08:22.100-05:00July 4, 2010Today I am Grateful for:<br /><br /><br />Ina. She was a wonderful part of our family. She will always be remembered on the 4th of July, she was a kind sweet dog. We had to put her down today. She was very sick from gallbladder mucoceles. It came on quick before we could do anything about it. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 305px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490190655698178338" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvy7bBs_o3RPGR6RF_B0RNVJeaXSWUTjsol3rJ71J4Vcntii1f6bZKwurUg2Guj_awFsynfgDjXQSZYfgwxv-6nPCjk0x8ADf9BcJBQhKnpWVqQ2jKFDxTsyhLzCdpZv__bLgCq8qZ6xDt/s320/inasepia.jpg" />Garykfchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13279286383370540009noreply@blogger.com7