It has been an interesting week. It has been a week of looking at my self and others and comparing them to me. I like where I am and I want to stay on the path that I am on.
I am grateful to have the experience of seeing messy drunks and loving that I choose not to be that way. Not even one drink. I don't like how I feel during and after the experience.
I am grateful that when I run into the same homeless people I see on a daily basis that it reminds me that I was thinking that could be an option for me when I was in the peak of my drug and alcohol usage. I remember thinking all I would have to do was take off, disappear and no one would really care. Life would be that much more easier. It just goes to show how diluted my thinking became.
I am grateful when I see friends that use and think it's a normal way of life. It's funny how I could can get caught up into thinking that a little weed here, a few pills here a cocktail here is normal for everyday life. But I have learned it is not. I have come to realize how blurry my thinking was. How I always felt pity for me and I wanted everyone to feel the same for me. I was focused on me in a very wrong way. I wasn't taking care of my responsibilities as a parent. I wasn't taking responsibility in my job. I wasn't being the partner I needed to be. I wasn't focused on a higher power that I believed would work for me. I had expectations but they were for everyone else and how they should care and look at me. It was pour me. I lived for the pity party.
But today I have a very different view of me and my life. I try to be of service in someway to others. I do try to lead by example. I try to pick kindness over bitchiness. It doesn't always work, but it is in the forefront of my thinking. I chose to let people in that cut me off in traffic. I choose to help someone when it seems like they need help. I give money to people on the street that seem like they really need it. I am more aware of choosing kindness than I ever have been. And it pays me back in ways I never thought I would feel. It makes me feel good in my heart.
There is enough drugs or alcohol that can do that.
Have a great week.