Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Family Visits. It doesn't happen that often. It was fun while it lasted. It is nice to get back to my routine.
Spring. The seasons are finally changing to the weather I live for.
Difficulties. I'm Grateful to know that if I set mine down and help someone else mine don't seem to be that big.
Love. I get it all the time and I'm willing to share it.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Feeling great. There is nothing like waking up in the morning with nothing more than the normal aches and pains of my body that weren't caused from the night before.
The Will To Get Up. I love every day, no matter what. I'm happy and I am Grateful for that.
Helping Others. No matter who it is, it's great to help someone, anyone, it doesn't matter how minor it is. It's a great feeling for me to do it and I don't need anyone else to know.
Surprises. It looks like my higher power lead me some place I didn't expect. I'll wait to see if it pans out.
Beautiful Days in Houston
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Easy Does It. Those are the words for today out of "A Day At a Time." I think I'll try to remember that today. I tend to want everything now, hurry, hurry, hurry. I know things are coming along, but I want it at lightening speed.
Family Visits. My niece who is going to be 21 next month is coming for a visit today. I haven't seen her in 3 years. She wants to move here from Syracuse NY. We are going to check out dental hygiene schools. I hope that her expectations are what she expects from Houston. Houston is a very different place than the small town of Syracuse.
Courage. I'm finding if I don't give into the fear I can see my courage rise to the surface. When I resist what I know I need to do I get stuck.
Cupcakes. What can I say. I can eat the whole box. But I love frosting, I love vanilla. These cupcake stores are popping up all over the place in Houston. That is not good for someone like me who is addicted to sugar and sweets. When I binge on sugar in a few days I am crazy as hell. my thinking just goes off the deep end. I'm freakin cupcake crazy!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Good Weekend. It doesn't feel like I did much, but it was nice to have a weekend with the family.
Recognizing the changes within. It's really nice to be able to see for yourself how much you have changed. For me I can see I am totally a different person today.
Not having to have the last word. I've been witnessing this a lot lately. I don't have to have the last word and I don't have to go out of my way to prove I am right, you're wrong.
Getting Back on Track. Yesterday was one of those days that I couldn't seem to get it together. However, today, I'm back on track. So far anyway, it's early in the morning, but I don't feel drained like I did yesterday morning. Here is to a productive week.
Since we have a choice every moment of the day, choose to be happy.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The First Day of Spring. It's hard to believe when it's 37 degrees in Houston, but I'm going to go ahead and run with it. I'm Grateful that the cold only lasts hours in Houston.
Being Drug Free. I have been working on my pool and I am having an issue where I have a pipe that is struck and I can't get it loose. I threw my back out trying to un-stick it. In the past I would have used the pain as an excuse to do whatever drugs I could to feel better. Now I just take an anti-inflammatory and rest. I don't even have a desire to take the strong stuff.
Looking Onward. As frustrating marketing is for me, I continue onward. I do sometimes feel like throwing in my hat, but I will continue until I build a good, solid client base. That's where I have to understand I can't control anything. It will happen when it happens.
Old Friends. It's interesting to visit with someone you haven't seen in a while once you have become involved in a program like AA. I can hear echos of my old self in his conversations. Ways I use to be and how Grateful I am that I am willing to change. I think in the past, I didn't realize I could change.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Time off with my son. My son and I went to Galveston yesterday. It was only 63 degrees, but we went to the beach. He actually went into the water and collected shells. I laid in my chair freezing and watching him while snapped a few pictures. We had a really nice day together.
A little break. It was nice to have a little break from working and the continued focus on my business. It was nice to not think of marketing and photography at all for a day. (At least try not to anyway.)
My Intentions. I'm Grateful that I have positive intentions towards others throughout the day and that I and my higher power know that. I don't have to worry that anyone else's opinion of me matters. (It's none of my business.) I strive to do the next right thing.
Morning Meeting. I get to go to one more early morning meeting today. It's nice to meet a new/different group of people and to experience fellowship with a different group.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My Role. Just trying to figure out who I am, where I am and how I fit into the whole thing. Just letting go and letting me become who I am.
Early Morning Meeting. I'm fortunate enough to be able to go to the 6:30 am meetings this week because my son is on Spring break.
Gratitude. I'm so glad to be able to stop everyday and be Grateful for what I have. I see so many people who never stop to be Grateful even for a minute. They are also not the happiest people I know.
Quiet Morning Moments. I love my time in the morning. I'm alone and I have time to pray, meditate, think and plan my day. No interruptions.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Early Morning. I woke up early because I have a lot running through my mind. I'm Grateful I woke up with a clear head, clean and sober.
Moving Forward. As hard as it is sometimes, I keep going forward. Dave says fear is a mile wide and high, but paper thin. I'm still working on breaking through it. It feels a bit like a rubber balloon.
Meetings. I'm so Grateful they are a part of my life.
Friends. Because of my sobriety I actually have friends that I can count on.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My Blog Friends. I really enjoy hearing from everyone. I'm so Grateful when I open my emails and see that I am not alone with my thoughts and the issues I go through. There is always a common thread amongst us. By hearing from you helps me know that recovery was the best choice I have ever made for myself.
The Serenity Prayer. I have my 18 month chip in front of my computer to remind me everyday. My son came up to me the other day and said, "Papa, what is that saying? God grant me," so I started saying the prayer and he started to repeat it to me from memory.
My son. I see God's gifts in him. When he was a baby I had a couple of people I didn't know walk up to me in the grocery store and tell me he had a special light about him. He is so gentle and kind. His talents amaze me. For 9 he has a musical ability that is beyond me. He is very good at the violin. He has been wanting to learn the piano. So my partner bought him a book on basic chords. The boy opened the book and started playing two handed within 5 minutes. He has gone through 20 pages in two days. He has perfect pitch and can already tune his violin by ear. I thank God everyday for this person and what he shows me. I want to be like him when I grow up.
My Sponsor. I'm so Grateful that I have one. I went too long without one. He is someone I can relate to in many ways. His gentle words this week in my stressed moment were what I needed to hear. I worked through my fear and frustration and did come out on the other end. Things did slowly fall into place, not the way I expected them to, but we all know the reason for that. I cannot control anything. Life will play out as it should play out.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Independence. I'm Grateful to learn that I don't need to be dependent on others. Through this creation of my new studio and business I have continually felt I need someone to help me. I'm learning I don't. I have been managing to do everything on my own. I have asked for input from others, but the work has been done by me alone.
My Higher Power. This week has been one of those weeks that I have been Grateful to have a HP to turn to. Not so much to pray to in a time of need, because I pray everyday. It has more to do with I have comfort in knowing that I am where I am suppose to be and my God, Universe, whatever that is that is connected to me is supporting me in ways I don't understand. I know it will work out in the end. Having faith in my HP so that I know I don't have to have control. I just have to have faith it's all going to be okay. There are times I don't believe or trust and that's when I have let go.
Networking. I'm not the greatest at it, but I'm working at it. I'm the king of isolating. I'm learning not to do that. I'm learning to reach out and communicate. I'm reaching out to other photographers I don't know and asking them to lunch and by golly, they are going. (Maybe because I'm buying! :) ) I'm learning about their business and listening to what they have to offer. I would never have done that in the middle of my addiction. I still have a lot of growing to do, but I can already see how far I have come.
Letting go of Judgement. I am Grateful to see that I don't need to be so judgemental. I don't like it when I do it. I have learned in my life that the people I would judge and think I don't I like them, I end up really valuing their relationships with me. It's the people that I like right away that I end up finding things in the friendship that actually make me isolate from them. I practice everyday not to judge anyone even when I hear judgement come out of others mouths about that person. I have to admit, that makes me judge the judger as well. It's like a double edge sword. I'm Grateful to be aware not to judge.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Spring like weather. It was really beautiful out yesterday. The image below is of my neighbors Tulip tree. It is so beautiful this year. Normally it looks like a dead tree with a few blossoms on it. I am really ready for the hot weather we live in for 4 months out of the year.
Knowing life isn't perfect. Yesterday as I was standing in Starbucks, waiting for my coffee, I felt this shift of a depressive mood. It normally hits me just like that. It's a strange feeling for me and then I can fall into a place that is very difficult for me to get out of. I realized that I just have to let go and let life happen as it should. I'm frustrated because I feel like my focus is off. Things aren't going exactly as I plan. But, in the big picture of life, does it really go the exact way as we plan it? This is a real third step issue for me. "God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" That prayer was a daily prayer and lately I haven't been saying it. I'm glad to bring it back into my routine.
Paper and a writing stick. I'm so grateful that I have a place to jot information down all through the day. List, list and more lists.
Friends. I have so many friends that are important to me. I'm glad that we have affects on each others lives. I'm glad they accept me as I am even when I can't.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Being Busy. I am so Grateful that I have so much to do. I wish I could divide myself up to accomplish everything I need to. I do what I can and keep adding to my to-do list.
My journey being sober. There is just no way I would have believed that life could be so good. I can't believe that I am as happy as I am being free of chemicals in my body. My travel down this road could never be explained to me how it would be. It can only be experienced. The idea that life is so terrific being sober seemed so dull and straight.
Laughter. There is so much of it around my house. We have so much fun. I love when tears run out of my son's eyes because he laughs so hard.
A new day. I'm Grateful to start everyday like a new book, excited to see what every moment will bring like reading a great novel.