Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Insurance Limbo

Here I am moving into the third week of being displaced from my home. Talk about having to let go and let things happen. If this isn't an exercise in having absolutely no control and having to learn to be patient and let things work out on their own, I don't know what is.

I am at the mercy of an in insurance adjuster. Nothing is moving forward. We had air conditioning installed in our house in April and it created so much humidity in the ventilation system that I had to remove gallons of water out of the ceiling in the down stairs part of my house. Mold is growing out of many of the vents and in closets and build-in dressers. Yet they want to check to see if there is a plumbing leak. We have ask for documentation on our policy and we are still waiting for it. Why this cat and mouse game. I know it's about money, but as far as my partner the lawyer can see, we have peril that is covered!

Gratefully, they are still paying for our meals and hotel. I am not a patient person. I want to jump through the phone and cause bodily harm to anyone in my path. I have a difficult time with people not seeing the obvious. But I am seeing there is a reason to be calm and patient.

I am grateful that I have learned to pause and to take a breath. I am grateful that I have a family that has been there to help us out during this stressful time. It's true, you do see who is there for you in times of need. I appreciate their connection in my life.

So onward with my (our) adventure because I am glad that I don't need to drink or drug over it. I am glad to see how much I have changed and what I can handle. It's all about my attitude and how I want to approach it.

Location:Louisiana St,Houston,United States

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Picking up change

A few weeks ago a friend and I were walking to our parking garage and she found a penny on the ground and picked it up. I was surprised she picked it up because I do the same thing. Then the conversation started about finding change and how much she finds every year. I nearly dropped my change when she told me she finds anywhere from $15.00 to $30.00 bucks a year. That's not including the bills she finds. I think she has found something like a $150.00 bucks this year. She and her husband have an annual competition to see who finds the most.

That got me thinking that I should keep track of my changed as well. So far since a few weeks ago I am up 5 cents. (By the way cents are so unimportant the iPad doesn't even have the symbol to use it. )

This weekend I have found 3 pennies and my son found one. I now walk looking down and ignoring all pedestrians, street lights and cars crossing my path, the hunt is on.

I was told by the experts in coin recycling that parking garages are an excellent place to retrieve lost economy. When I have the time after a Friday/Saturday night I am going to park at the top of my parking garage and work my way down just for the fun of it. I look at it as I will be working my lower portion of my body as well as funding my son's college fund. (He's 9 and wants to go to Rice University).

There are people out there who do not believe it's worth picking up a penny. All I can say is you go ahead and leave it, I'll pick it up. My OCD is kicking into over drive and I am obsessed with the ground and what I can find on it.

Friday, August 27, 2010

I love my dogs

I have to say my dogs and taking them for a walk is a source of good medicine for me. After an hour and fifteen minute walk to the dog park at Discovery Green I am so much more relaxed.

We are working through a stressful situation with our house that seems like we are stuck in limbo at the moment. We are at the very beginning stages trying to be patient and let the insurance company go through their process. It wouldn't be so be bad if we knew where we stood as far as coverage and what losses will be covered.

I love that when I get overwhelmed that those cute little dogs are able to take a lot of the weight away. It's really great to be able to share a walk with them, release some of their pent up energy from being locked in a stinky house all day. We are good for each other.

I don't have a real point to my blog except I am grateful to have my dogs in my life. They came together by luck, but I have never seen such love between two very different breeds. It's a lot of fun to watch the puppy Maggie (3 months old) growing up with Karl the dachshund (4yrs). I think she thinks he's her mother.

Location:Louisiana St,Houston,United States

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Good hard laughs

There is nothing like having a good hard belly laugh to start your day. It can keep you centered and happy all day.

My son and I started a tradition of watching YouTube videos first thing in the morning as he is waking up. We started watching them on my iPod Touch but have since moved to the iPad. (by the way two of my most loved pieces of technology!).

Being that my son is 9 (almost 10) we did a search in YouTube on farts. We happened on Graham Norton's "funniest fart scene ever" only to fine tears rolling down our faces first thing in the morning. What a great way to start the day with your kid! I am so fortunate that I can still relate to being 9 and to have a kid that has the same sense of humor that I have. We love to find things that make us laugh as hard as we can.

I am so grateful to have this wonderful being in my life. From the day he was born I felt like I have known him my whole entire life. I look forward to many more years of uncontrollable laughter the two (and three) of us will have together.

I hope you get your belly laugh today and every day.

Location:Louisiana St,Houston,United States

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Self Doubt

I find it truly amazing how much I doubt my ability to do anything. I don't know if it's fear or that little voice that was instilled a long time ago?

Everything I have done today I fine myself thinking I can't do what ever task is at hand only to find I CAN do it with ease.

I think I haven't been making the effort lately that I have in the past to ignore those ridiculous loops of negativity.

If I don't pay attention to my thoughts I easily can get lost in ridicule, self doubt and self hating faster than you can flick a switch. I Can get wrapped up so deeply in my negativity, that I forget all the great and wonderful gifts of life that I posses that I live out my day as a failure. I know I am more than I believe. I like who I am and I want to to be just as kind to me as I try to be to others.

So hear I am today to publicly say that I know I am good at a lot of things and I will once again start to make a better effort to ignore that evil, negative voice that has no business trying to run my life.

Location:Louisiana St,Houston,United States

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Time To Move On

When is it okay to look the other way from people you know? This is an individual that I just don't have common ground with anymore. We were close many years ago, but it has been a long, long time. Their unhealthy life style also plays a big factor in it as well. I have blatantly chosen to end the quasi friendship if you want to call it that.

Doing this has a double edged sword to it. On one hand I feel bad, only because I really don't want anything to do with them. I am trying to be as kind and respectful by not throwing any judgment or my junk onto them. My issues are none of their business as well as their way of living and being is none of mine. The flip side is not having to hear the drama and drawn out conversations that only make me wish I could have ended the conversation 30 minutes sooner.

I am a true believer that people flow in and out of my live for experiences I need to have. Here are the questions I ask myself. When I end the relationship does that mean I have experienced what I need? Is there more to follow? Is it not over till it's over or do I have control over that?

I realize in the big picture I do not have control of anything. But I do believe I can have a say in my experiences. I can't tell you how many times I have had control of things that did make my life better. It was the actions, thoughts and ideas I started that made the change. It moved me out of a bad place and into a better one. I don't believe my life has any pre-defined path I follow. Every step sets a new experience.

Location:Louisiana St,Houston,United States

Monday, August 23, 2010

An Enlightening Walk in the Dark

Isn't odd how shedding a little light on something makes all the difference in the world? I find it amazing when I walk the dogs in the morning and it's still dark outside how creepy and scary the people seem on the corner of Dallas and Main. Yet as I walk by I hear a pleasant voice wish me good morning. The dark can make anything seem unsafe and unfriendly. I realize you have to be safe and be on guard, this is a city with all walks of life. But it's the realization of how much of that fear is generated by me. During the day I can walk by that same corner in the bright sunlight and I don't have half the thoughts about my safety as I do when the sun is set.

As I walk in the dark I am so aware of the tricks I play on myself. My awareness of how much my mind plays games on me is heighten and I can see how I can hold myself back. It makes me realize that as I go about my day I am not fortunate enough to have something as simple as the darkness to make me notice I am generating the fears I have throughout the day. I am not keenly aware that the negative fearful thoughts I am having are self induced. As I walk through my day my sense of self heightened awareness seems to decrease and I am not as sensitive as to what I can do to myself.

Today I will continue through my day grateful as I can be. I will be more cognizant of what I can do for myself in a positive way and aware of how destructive crippling thoughts can be if I don't pay attention to what I tell myself.

Location:Fannin St,Houston,United States

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Routines, chicken bones and gratefulness

I'm trying to get into a routine living away from my home. Being the control freak that I am I have to have constant order or I get nuttier than I am. I am the type of person who has to do the same thing every day, eat the same things habitually for months at a time. Can you say OCD!? I haven't found the exact routine I am looking for but sanity is slowly breaking through.

I am learning how difficult it is to have dogs living in a downtown urban area. I never realized how little green space there is for a dog to drop a duce and pee. I have to walk at least 4 block in any direction to find a place for the dogs to feel comfortable letting go. The great thing is I end up at Discovery Green (http://www.discoverygreen.com/), there is a dog park and lots of open space. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable rain that is not always fun to be out in, let alone trying to force a couple of K9's to do what normally comes naturally.

A major hazard of living downtown with two dogs that I never expected was chicken bones. I mean not one or two, but hundreds! They are scattered on the side walks like rice after a wedding. There is nothing like walking your dogs in a half sleep stupor to suddenly have to wrestle them on the sidewalk to pull a chicken bone from their mouths. Nothing could make me puke faster than a wet bone from a dogs mouth that was in someone else's mouth! I shudder just thinking about it.

So on this Sunday morning I am grateful for all I have. I know I am taken care of, food in my belly and a place to sleep. I thank God that I have another day to walk on the planet and to enjoy my partner, son, and dogs and everyone else who crosses my path today.

Location:McKinney St,Houston,United States

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Happy 2 Years to Me!

Well here I am sitting in Starbucks at 7:30 am in the morning and my life is so different than it was two years ago. I have never been happier. I love where I have ended up and I am grateful everyday. I was not grateful on a daily basis back then, but I have learned that is the first thing I need to be to set my day on the right path.

To give you a little insight where I am right now my life is in total upheaval and I am thankful and smile, even laugh at it through the day. I ended up having health issues that I will need to deal with for the rest of my life. Nothing serious, but enough to be a nuisance. We have been moved out of our house and can't move back from what it looks like for 3 or 4 months because of super high humidity and mold. It is a little unsettling when things get out of control.

However, the three of us and the two new dogs are letting go and let who ever has my our backs have complete control. It's fun to see on a daily basis what is going to happen next.

My house and the condition it is in has been an issue withe me and I have been wanting to take care of it. It appears something didn't think I was moving fast enough. And decided to take it over. All I can say my prayers have been answered.

I am hoping that I will be back into blogging again. I have been looking at things in my life and I have been making changes. I will continue to blog about my sobriety but also about how I am learning to make changes in my life and the experiences I have. I am realizing that I am the force that keeps stopping me. I am learning that when things don't workout for me that what I was expecting wasn't really what was suppose to happen because it wasn't really what I wanted. There is no definition in my life. My energy directs my path. I think in the long run I do know what I want, it's a matter of do I want to admit it to myself or not.

I have missed blogging and my blogging friends. I look forward to trying to get my blog groove back.

Have a great day, I know I will.

Location:Lamar St,Houston,United States