Friday, May 28, 2010
Yesterday. My partner and I celebrated 26 years together. He has been such a positive person in my life over the years. I am so Grateful to have such a wonderful family.
You know what I am Grateful for? My sobriety, partner, son, parents, siblings, nieces, nephew, great niece, friends, pets, work, home, food, opportunity, beautiful mornings, past, present and whatever comes my way.
Have a safe holiday weekend.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
My life. It is really an adventure. I'm finally back in Houston. I love the city that I live and I appreciate the city I grew up in. They are definitely two different places and I can appreciate that. I'm glad to be where I chose to live today in Houston.
I am Grateful that I will be starting a new job on Monday. I will be working in my partner's law office. This will be interesting since I never imagined that we would be working together. Fortunately, my legal experience and my own talents will allow me to hopefully enhance his business. And then again, if it doesn't work out he can always fire me. :)
I'm feeling really Grateful for today and everyday. I'm Grateful for to be able to spend the day with my son on our own new adventure.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My Life. I'm so Grateful that I am visiting my family. I'm able to just sit back and look at everyone and appreciate who and what they are for exactly that. Nothing more. I'm not expecting them to be or do anything different other than what they are doing.
I feel like I am reading a novel and I have to laugh at some of the characters. I'm appreciating my parents and seeing why I am the way I am. (I can really see the genetics and how it plays a part in the way I am.)
I've never been more Grateful for my sobriety than today. I've actually gone to a couple of bars and can see what a mess people are from alcohol. My niece is a bar tender which is one of the reasons I ended up in a bar. I wanted clams since you really can't get them Houston. Where my niece works they serve them. My other niece who is 21 was with me and we sat at the bar to visit with my niece the bar tender. The fellow to the left of me was getting drunk and my nieces are both very beautiful girls. So he decided to buy shots for them and me because he wants to show his style to them. I kindly decline and tell him I don't drink. This fell then says to me, "Congratulations" shakes my hand and then says something about he should probably not be drinking. (He was right, it didn't seem like the place to do service work, he was a man about town at that moment.)
But I flashed back to the moments when I drank and slowly became louder and thought I was the cat's meow and how people must have thought I had it all. But to see the loudness, the slurriness, the lies that couldn't be kept straight in the simple conversations we are having as stool mates. It was a clarity for me that I was Grateful to have. It was knowing I was going to safely get into my car and drive home without a worry if I was pulled over. I was Grateful to know I would just wake up tired this morning and that is all. I was Grateful to know that most of the money I had in my wallet would still be there because I didn't have to end up feeling like I had to buy the whole bar drinks. I am Grateful because I could pray to God this morning about what I am Grateful for not to make me feel better and to get rid of a major headache or the guilt of some foolish act I may have committed.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Who I have become. Being in Syracuse is allow me to look back at myself and the way I was. Not only in Syracuse, but in the past 26 years. It has actually given me a meter to view my life. I can see how I am different from my family of origin, old friends, old habits.
I am so Grateful I can see today. I can see that I am willing to let go of the negativity that still lives in my family. I can see where it is generated from and I am able to tolerate it today. I am able to not pick up old habits by staying aware and Grateful.
I was able to walk into a bar to meet a friend I have had since I was 16. I was so Grateful to I didn't for a minute feel like having a drink, I enjoyed being sober. Then I was asked if I wanted to go to their house and visit, which to me was a better alternative to being in a bar. I was asked if I still smoked weed and I said no. (People don't see the connection in addiction.) On the 20 minute drive to their house I thought how is this going to play out. Are they going to smoke in front of me? I was Grateful to see that they didn't and we had a wonderful visit of old times and I didn't have to deal with it. I know that I would have to have left if it was smoked in the house in front of me because I know that would have been the jumping off point for me. But it was great to see that they respected me and it didn't appear and it never came up.
I am so Grateful for my Sobriety and the continued health and strength that I am gaining.
Friday, May 14, 2010
- My sobriety
- My immediate family
- My extended family
- My sober friends
- and the list just keeps going on.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Spirituality. I'm so glad that I found my Spirituality before I died. I had no idea how important it is in my life. I was one of those people that said that they didn't believe in God as I was looking over my shoulder. I had no idea what I was talking about and I had no idea what kind of power it adds to your life.
My life was running out of control. I worshiped chemicals that I put into my body. I didn't realize that I had a Spirit inside of me that needed to be fed and taken care of like my body was needing as well as my mind. I always thought of myself as me as one thing. I never knew to break it down into 3 parts; body, mind and soul. I heard of it, but I never put it into practice.
I am so Grateful that I didn't try to resist AA when I was entering rehab. I was at the jumping off point, there was no where else to go, other than committing suicide, which really wasn't an option I wanted, but I didn't want to continue the way I was going. I talked a lot about it, but I never went through with it. I'm not sure if I would have gone through with it, but I am glad I am moving as far away from that thinking as possible.
Today I am a very strong believer in the books by Neale Donald Walsch called Conversations with God. The audio books are even better. God is performed by Ed Asner and Ellen Burstyn, they are the voices of my God for the rest of my life. Through these conversations I am learning so much about my spirituality, as I personally believe these books to be the word of God. (I believe God comes to us often through authors/books, A Course In Miracles is another.) I am learning to love myself and others equally, because in the big picture, we are all one big soul, not separate, not different than anyone else.
I have to thank Scott for mentioning to me last year that I should read Conversations with God. I had no idea my life's outlook and views would change. My Spirituality has been enriched and has helped me in my sobriety as well as my continued quest of "Why am I here?"
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
"She ain't a beauty but she's alright." It was very fitting for her.