March 13, 2010

Today I am Grateful For:

Serenity. The past year and a half has been such a learning experience of where to find my peace and happiness. To search within myself has been a place I never wanted to look. It seemed like a messed up place without direction. I find it so interesting now to realize that my calm radiates out of me. I'm learning to shift my thinking into a better place. The chemicals and alcohol clouded so much of my life and perspective. Today I am learning to slow down and to enjoy the moment I am in, not rush to the next thing.

Everything turns out okay. 6 years ago I had a carpenter banging on the outside of the house all day working on the house. It stressed my dog out. My son was 3. At the time, he was into things like pompoms, mops anything that flowed. I was high and not paying attention to him or the dog, pealing potatoes at the sink. He had a rag-mop in his hand that had a piece of metal in the middle of it. He hit the dog in the head. She was so stressed and hurt by the mop that she reacted by biting him in the face, ripping off the lower lid of his left eye. Thank God she didn't get his eye. In a split second life changed. Within minutes I was sitting in an ambulance. My partner and I would be in for a very long night, leading to 3 surgeries. Everything turned out okay in the long run. But I live with a guilt that I have let go of, for the most part, because I can't change it. But it makes me so aware how there is a chance I could have made things different if I wasn't using. I have regrets, but I am Grateful to realize today how I am in a better place. My judgements are more balanced and less focused in self.

New Air Conditioning. I am so Grateful that we are finally replacing our HVAC. It's been dying for 3 years. We were fortunate enough to have someone who borrowed money from us years ago decided to come clean and pay us some of it back. It could not have come at a better time. I'm looking forward to the money we will be saving in electricity.

Organizing. There is something very cleansing about organizing and getting rid of stuff. So far I have organized my studio, dining room, yard and it is leading to a feeling or control in my life. I have two more major areas to attack, the workshop and the attic.

People in my life. I'm grateful for the people I am meeting in my life. When I least expect it, my HP is leading me to people that have an affect in my life and I in theirs. They lead me to new ideas of what I am capable of.

I am so Grateful for my life.