March 7, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Blind Faith. Just closing my eyes and believing.

Being here today. There were times when I didn't think I could make it another day.

Common Sense. I'm Grateful for sometimes having it.

Love. I'm grateful to have more than many.

March 6, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Hard work. As much as I like to run from hard work, I also like to do it. Once I get in the frame of mind to do it, I am like a machine. I am so grateful that the fruits of my labor to get my studio up in running is starting to show.

Being Sober and knowing this is the life I want to lead. As I have been working on my studio, I have been coming across pieces of my old life. I found a box of cigars that I had brought back from Holland that I use to smoke when I was smoking weed and having a few glasses of wine. As I was trashing stuff I pulled out this cute little tin with the cigars in them. I opened it and saw these little cigars and I thought, I could use these and I set them aside. Then I stopped myself and said to myself "What the hell are you thinking?" If I found drugs, would I lay that aside too? It took me about 5 minutes to realize what I was doing to myself and I and threw the cigars away. I know they're only cigars, but that alone with the health issues is reason enough to trash them. To me it just shows that I have a disease that can sneak up and fool me in the sneakiest kind of way. I am so grateful I didn't run across any of the drugs I use to do.

The weekend. I'm grateful to have a few days to slow down on working and relax with my family.

Fellowship. It's so great to get phone calls from friends in the program who just want to check on me. It's a great feeling and it always ends up in great conversation.

Happy Saturday!

March 5, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Relief from the bondage of self. I am grateful when I can feel my self-disrespect lift. When I can stop pounding myself to the floor. For the last 2 days I have been wallowing in pity and self centered-ness. Laying it down and walking away from it is the hardest thing I have to do sometimes.

Networking. I am so grateful I found that group of photographers that meet up once a month. The meetings are great, interesting, and informative. There are so many interesting people in my new community. It's really great to be with a group of photographers who want to share and don't worry about client stealing etc. It's like AA for photographers.

Meetings. There is nothing like a good meeting when you need it. Yesterday really helped me with the rest of my day. Thanks Lambda!!

I am right where I am suppose to be. Knowing that can be the hardest thing to accept.

March 4, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Spring like weather. It was really beautiful out yesterday. The image below is of my neighbors Tulip tree. It is so beautiful this year. Normally it looks like a dead tree with a few blossoms on it. I am really ready for the hot weather we live in for 4 months out of the year.

Knowing life isn't perfect. Yesterday as I was standing in Starbucks, waiting for my coffee, I felt this shift of a depressive mood. It normally hits me just like that. It's a strange feeling for me and then I can fall into a place that is very difficult for me to get out of. I realized that I just have to let go and let life happen as it should. I'm frustrated because I feel like my focus is off. Things aren't going exactly as I plan. But, in the big picture of life, does it really go the exact way as we plan it? This is a real third step issue for me. "God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" That prayer was a daily prayer and lately I haven't been saying it. I'm glad to bring it back into my routine.

Paper and a writing stick. I'm so grateful that I have a place to jot information down all through the day. List, list and more lists.

Friends. I have so many friends that are important to me. I'm glad that we have affects on each others lives. I'm glad they accept me as I am even when I can't.

March 3, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

My sobriety, my higher power and knowing it's okay to take a break from blogging today.

March 2, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Being Busy. I am so Grateful that I have so much to do. I wish I could divide myself up to accomplish everything I need to. I do what I can and keep adding to my to-do list.

My journey being sober. There is just no way I would have believed that life could be so good. I can't believe that I am as happy as I am being free of chemicals in my body. My travel down this road could never be explained to me how it would be. It can only be experienced. The idea that life is so terrific being sober seemed so dull and straight.

Laughter. There is so much of it around my house. We have so much fun. I love when tears run out of my son's eyes because he laughs so hard.

A new day. I'm Grateful to start everyday like a new book, excited to see what every moment will bring like reading a great novel.

March 1, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

My 100th Post. It's hard to believe I have done 100 blogs as of today. I'm so grateful that I have enjoyed blogging my gratitude's. I'm grateful for all the people that I have come into contact with through my blog.

Business. I'm grateful for the business I have been getting. It's starting slow and I am grateful for that. I'm not ready for a big rush of anything at this point. But, keep it coming.

Sleep. I don't know what it is, but I have been getting really good sleep. I have never slept like I have been, ever. I go to sleep at about 11 and don't wake up until around 3:30 am. That is unbelievable for me.

Living in the now. I have to practice this on a daily basis. I can easily get worried about the future. I have to stay right where my feet are planted, that helps a lot. I can't change anything but this moment.