February 1, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Being there. I am so grateful that I am able to be there to support my family. I am slowly learning how to get away from the self centered mentality that ruled me for so long. I love that I no longer chose to pick battles all the time with my partner and I have learned to listen. I've learned to pause before speaking which has always been a large malady of mine in our relationship. I've learned to hear what is being said, versus what I am hearing in my own head as criticism. I'm thankful that I take the time to react (most of the time, progress, not perfection) with love and kindness.

Friends. How much more grateful can I be? Every one of them. From old friends, to, friends within and out of the program. It is so great that I have so many people supporting me.

Faith. You know, I really didn't have much Faith in anything. I never believed it even existed. I really have to say that only in the last few weeks have I been shown that Faith is alive and well in every one's life. I have been shown that through the desire to change and the willingness to have Faith that I can be heard. I didn't think I could continue through a lot of the emotional stuff that was going on in my life for the last 6 months or so. But I had faith, in what? I wasn't really sure. I did what I was told, I faked it till I made it. That saying sounds so inane to me. But it's expression that is true to it's word.

HP. Whatever it is? God, the Universe, Higher Power, Buddha, whatever it is? I'm just glad I finally welcomed the idea that there was something greater than myself into my life. I don't bother trying to put a face to a name anymore. I sum it up to I don't need to figure it out. No more than I have to understand oxygen. But I sure do believe in it. I'm told it's there, I'm told I will not exist without it. I am part of an intelligent species that is able to know it's there. Like my dog or any other breathing mammal, they don't know it's there but they use it to carry on with their little lives without question. That is how I am about my God in my life. I sometimes call it God, sometimes I call it HP. That comes from my disbelief in today's current mentality of the christian's. I don't want to be lumped into the same group. All I need to worry about is what I think and do and how I act. I don't care what others do spiritually, they are on their own path. They will get it when they get it. I'm just so grateful that I found what was lacking in my life through my sobriety.