February 2, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Being Supportive. I ended up spending 6 hours at the hospital yesterday waiting while a friend of mine had a heart procedure done. It was good that I was there to support of my friend who was in the waiting room and for the support of my friend who was having the procedure done. It was not where I wanted to be, but it was where I needed to be. I actually witnessed in my self the calm that allowed me to know it was the right thing to do. It was a very good day.

Saying Yes. Jim Carey came out with a very bad movie called Yes Man. The movie itself was not well made. But the basic idea of what the movie was to say "Yes" to everything. It was a message that I needed to hear. I always say no to everything. Even before the sentence is complete, I am ready to say no to the question I am being asked. It's the joke in the my immediate family, that I am going to say no. I am just like my mother that way. Since I am changing my life I decided to make a grander effort to say "Yes" to more and see what happens. I have seen the positive side of it. I'm just waiting to say yes again.

Sobriety. I can't be more grateful for this. I don't have to start my mornings drugging 5 minutes after I wake up. It all seemed so normal and okay to do that. It's amazing what you will tell yourself. I don't have to spend time laying in bed with the phone balanced on my ear trying to keep conversation with someone because I thought I was going to die if I didn't keep talking. I look back now and think of how close to the edge I was. I am so grateful I don't focus my day on am I running out of prescriptions? Do I have enough weed? Is there wine in the fridge? That was all a good day. That's how skewed life was for me.

The love of my dog. She has her own agenda, but I'm glad she lets me be part of her life.