Friday, January 22, 2010

january 22, 2010

Today I am Grateful for:

Fear. I know it's an odd thing to be grateful for, but I have a lot of it in my life today. I always have and it's kept me frozen. With the changes that are happening in my life and a future unknown, it lives and breathes as big as life. I'm grateful for it because I am learning that it is self generated. I am learning that I am my own worst enemy that is telling me the worst possible scenarios. Fear lives to tell me I cannot. I am grateful that I am learning that through my Higher Power, God, the Universe whatever that strength is and meditation I don't have to believe in fear. I'm learning to let it be there, but I don't have to entertain it's tactics that it uses on me to run and hide. It's the old endless loops of negativity that I have cognitively become very aware of that fear enters into my life.

Running. It's been a part of my life for over 22 years. I had the most difficult time getting back to running after I recovered because I use to smoke weed and run. I would go out and run 11 miles while most people would sit on the sofa and eat potato chips. After I was sober it made it very difficult to get back into running because I didn't have that little extra kick to get me out there. But now I am back and I am embracing my sober running for the first time. I have found it's a great way to pray and communicate with my Higher Power. It's a good way for me to plan and re-think things I am working on or things that are issues in my life. It also allows me to work towards positive goals in my life. I have the Rodeo Run coming up at the end of February that I love. To be in a crowd of 10,000 people all excited about the same thing is very invigorating for me.

Being Sober. It takes work and when I look back it seemed so impossible. I had the mentality of why would you want to be sober? God put all these chemicals on the planet for us to use. I don't know if I believe God put anything anywhere for us. I think it's more we, as human beings discover things and what we do with them is our own will. Just because they're there doesn't mean I have to use them. There are so many things I could chose to do or not do and what kind of affect they would have on my life. Being sober takes work, it is a disease. Yet at the same time by not indulging in the chemicals of my choice it is like taking my medicine by abstaining for a great life that unfolds every day.

The 12 Principles. Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Discipline, Perseverance, Awareness of God and Service. I have to say, I didn't know they were lacking in my life. As I look at my life today I realized I had no principles at all and how undirected and careless my life was for me.


  1. That is the first time I have read of the 12 Principles. But then I go to Alanon..:-D They make so much since and are simple (at least to list!). I am not a runner..but I will be cheering you on from the sidelines. Have a great run.


  2. Did somebody say coffee? Oh excuse me.

  3. I will never understand how you could smoke pot and then run. It made me paralyzed!

  4. Glad that you love the Rodeo Run. Me too (probably because it starts later than most runs). I love how you are tackling your fears. That is the biggest hurdle I know by far. I wish I had your courage.