Today I am Grateful for:
Fear. I know it's an odd thing to be grateful for, but I have a lot of it in my life today. I always have and it's kept me frozen. With the changes that are happening in my life and a future unknown, it lives and breathes as big as life. I'm grateful for it because I am learning that it is self generated. I am learning that I am my own worst enemy that is telling me the worst possible scenarios. Fear lives to tell me I cannot. I am grateful that I am learning that through my Higher Power, God, the Universe whatever that strength is and meditation I don't have to believe in fear. I'm learning to let it be there, but I don't have to entertain it's tactics that it uses on me to run and hide. It's the old endless loops of negativity that I have cognitively become very aware of that fear enters into my life.
Running. It's been a part of my life for over 22 years. I had the most difficult time getting back to running after I recovered because I use to smoke weed and run. I would go out and run 11 miles while most people would sit on the sofa and eat potato chips. After I was sober it made it very difficult to get back into running because I didn't have that little extra kick to get me out there. But now I am back and I am embracing my sober running for the first time. I have found it's a great way to pray and communicate with my Higher Power. It's a good way for me to plan and re-think things I am working on or things that are issues in my life. It also allows me to work towards positive goals in my life. I have the Rodeo Run coming up at the end of February that I love. To be in a crowd of 10,000 people all excited about the same thing is very invigorating for me.
Being Sober. It takes work and when I look back it seemed so impossible. I had the mentality of why would you want to be sober? God put all these chemicals on the planet for us to use. I don't know if I believe God put anything anywhere for us. I think it's more we, as human beings discover things and what we do with them is our own will. Just because they're there doesn't mean I have to use them. There are so many things I could chose to do or not do and what kind of affect they would have on my life. Being sober takes work, it is a disease. Yet at the same time by not indulging in the chemicals of my choice it is like taking my medicine by abstaining for a great life that unfolds every day.
The 12 Principles. Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Discipline, Perseverance, Awareness of God and Service. I have to say, I didn't know they were lacking in my life. As I look at my life today I realized I had no principles at all and how undirected and careless my life was for me.
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